Gender Matters, and so does our other differences

"Why can't you be more like your husband?" a senior lay leader asked me. It was six weeks into my tenure as the rector (senior pastor) of a complex, large parish. He didn't ask it with a wondering tone, or an imploring tone. He asked it in the there-is-something-not-right-with-you tone. I spent the next ten years alert to the spoken and unspoken differences people perceived in leadership.

Yesterday, I thought of all my clergy colleagues across the country as they spoke the words of the Gospel to the thousands upon thousand of people gathered in their congregations. I was aware that in some places my women colleagues had a larger challenge than the men. I was aware that in some places, the strong, clear, compassionate woman in the pulpit was a welcome voice and a comfort. I was aware of the mission of the church- the reconciling love of God, from the voice and presence of my colleagues of different races, languages, gender preferences, and political points of view. I prayed for them all because all our differences matter in one very important way.

And that significant way is awareness. "Why can't you be more like..." means there is a standard to which one is being compared. And when only that one standard is the staring point of relationship, the ears, heart, and mind shut down to the message. (I lost count of the number of times some particular people would say, "I can't hear you," even though the sound system was working fine,others in the pew next to them had no problem, and the individuals did not have physical hearing loss.) Being aware of the differences opens to behavior not the person as the standard. Instead of the standard being a person, the standard becomes clarity, purpose, commitment to a life of God, the welfare of the congregation or organization or group. All these standard show through in preaching, leading, and in relationship with those we serve.

Gender matter, race matters, age matters, language of origin matters and more. More important than this list is how each person, each leader, is aware to be that being clear, consistent, compassionate, and committed to standards beyond one type of person matters most of all.